the PEAK SEASON is here!
all i know is that it's gonna be a challenging week ahead.
had discipleship with wh today
it made me thought through a lot of things

friday's cg message was about being an encourager
and it really made me think a lot.
and i realised i havent been a good encourager all this while
i realised that i've been rather a tigress to my members all this while
and i know that's the area i really need to change
i dont know where did this fierceness of me came from

if u really know me as a person, im actually not a fierce person.
when im fierce, im probably just trying to act fierce.
sometimes, i do really get irritated when things dont go my way or when i want to get things done as soon as possible
but i guess that's human nature
and i think this explains why my patience level has gone down and my fierceness level has gone up!
i guess this is all accumulated through the years
always wanting to get things done in the most efficient way
i think what i really want is to be firm but i always end up becoming more fierce
sorry if i've ever been fierce to you
pls forgive me for that harsh act.
in the past, i really dont know how to be fierce
i'll always be the one losing in an arguement
i'll always be the one losing in a fight/quarrel(opps!)
even now.
i mean we do fight/quarrel with our siblings when we were young right?
i guess my personality has changed over the years
in the midst of trying to make things happen, im becoming more demanding because i want to get things done and i want produce a perfect product at the end of the day

actually i think im quite a prankster.
i dont know why but i like to disturb people
take for example, disturbing my sisters
thats why they get irritated and annoyed with me at times!
del mentioned during fellowship(last sunday after make up prayer meeting) that i played a prank on her when we were at Bangkok(7 yrs ago).
which i really dont remember at all.
so anyway...
she said when she was bathing(you know bangkok hotel's bathroom is kinda scary as it's dark and the water has this metal taste), i knocked on the door and told her there's a fire.
and she thought it's was real coz i sounded real(at that time, she was shampooing her hair or something)
so she quickly rinsed off the shampoo from her hair, got changed and quickly came out of the bathroom.
when she came out, she saw me sitting there laughing coz she fell into my trick(as if the bathroom was not scary enough)
but i really cant remember i played this trick on her.

alright, back to topic
i'll be less demanding and less "fierce" from now on
i am not fierce okay?
just that sometimes i have higher expectations and i expect it to be done immediately thats why it resulted me to be like that.
i know i got to be more patient, less demanding, less "fierce"..
i need to have more of the gentle and quiet spirit in me.

fellowship at changi airport after service yesterday
had popeyes again
but i felt really bloated after eating
and i felt something was wrong with my stomach
thats why i didnt want to play catching with them
took bus home with mel lim, darryn, timo, sharon and amanda while the rest took the train
the journey was rather uncomfortable for me
esp when the bus speed up like mad which made me felt like i was sitting on a roller coaster!!!
the pain came and it was excruciating!
i felt like a pregnant woman giving birth then.
unbearable!
to think i still got to change a bus and cross the overhead bridge when i reach the bus stop
so i decided to alight at margt's house bus stop and get a cab asap
got on a cab with timo and finally i was home
the pain didnt stop.
in the middle of the night, the pain came back again
i applied some medicated oil, i was too weak to go to the kitchen to get panadols
so i kept tossing and turning on my bed.
i just prayed for the pain to go off
and i went into my dreamland.
woke up this morning, the pain was still there but this time it was still bearable at least.
thank God!